Friday, March 29, 2013

Five Things for Friday, 54th Edition


My little Rose is developing quite the attitude. She has always been an opinionated little girl, but lately she has become a sassy pants. She doesn't talk back but she has developed a signature scowl (which if you have seen it you know what I am talking about) and is VERY vocal about everything. For example, while I was sitting here typing she came up to me and said, "Heather (she always calls me by my first name) you have to do ---- right now, this very second. You have to, I'll count to three." Followed by this look.

Rose in mid-scowl
The problem is that I think I know where she gets her opinionated, bossy attitude and it is making me feel a bit repentant. Though, truth be told, it is probably a lot cuter in a three-year-old than a twenty-eight-year old!

My father-in-law took this picture of my niece, Asher and Rose several months ago getting ready to go on a picnic. It is funny in and of itself, but it is even funnier when you know Rose's personality. Notice the folded arms and bowed head... it just compliments the frowny face backpack :)


As I just mentioned Rose always calls me by my first name instead of "mom".  I have tried really hard to correct her, but she always seems to default to calling me "Heather."  Asher went through a similar phase but it only lasted a few weeks, but Rose is going on a year + of it! I have gotten used to it and hardly notice it any more, but it always makes strangers smile and comment. She did have a few months where she took to calling me "mother", which I loved, but then slipped back into calling me "Heather". Maybe she will outgrow it as she gets older, but I have sort of reconciled myself to the fact that we might just have the type of relationship where she calls me "Heather" instead of "Mom". Which, I guess is okay with me.


Thank you to everyone who came to my Women in the Scriptures lecture last night.  It was really a wonderful evening and I so enjoyed getting to know many of you better. I loved hearing Diana Webb speak and it was fun to be  surrounded by women in the scripture nerds. I look forward to meeting those of you who are going to The Gift of Giving Life party tonight!


Poor Abe has been so sick this week. I think it has just been a cold but it has been compounded by the fact that he is getting two of his back molars at the same time. The kid has been miserable, which means that life has been a bit more miserable for me too. The silver lining has been that the ONLY time my kids are snuggly is when they are sick. It has been really sweet to have my normally busy boy want to do nothing more than snuggle on my lap all day. I am enjoying it while I can get it. But I do hope he gets better soon!

The first indication that he wasn't feeling well came when I left him on my bed to go change over the laundry and found he fell asleep, mid-dismount. It looks like he had been about to slide off the bed but changed his mind and fell asleep instead. He slept like that for a few hours!


I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head about the same-sex marriage debate going on right now. Unfortunately, the post that I have written about it is on my desktop computer which is now packed away and on its way to Iowa.

My post is inside there somewhere.
 Once we get all unpacked in a few weeks I will post it.

In the meantime I want to share snippets from two article by Valerie Hudson about same-sex marriage that have impressed me the most.

"The Men Have Muffed It: How Men's Misunderstanding of the Telos of Marriage Imperils Its Future," by Valerie Hudson, April 2009

"An eminent Ivy League scholar who is an eloquent orator in the anti-same-sex marriage movement was invited to address the student body of BYU several months ago.  Since the students were already sympathetic to the speaker’s argument, the applause was frequent and sincere.  After the address, students queued up to ask questions.  Only one was female, and her question was last.

She asked the great scholar why women should support traditional marriage when its history has been the oppression, in general, of women.  The scholar explained, and I paraphrase here, “Marriage is better than the alternatives for women,” and proceeded to launch into a description of the degraded situation of women in pagan societies.  The speaker, in essence, was telling her that marriage was the least of the evils from which women could choose.

Dejection clearly written all over her face, the student withdrew so that the speaker could go to lunch.  She had every reason to feel dejected over this wholly inadequate response.  Men’s overwhelming dominance in the anti-same-sex marriage movement, coupled with their misunderstanding of the telos of marriage, is dooming that movement to ignoble and inevitable defeat.  If American society loses the ideal of heterosexual marriage, it will be in large part because many American men never understood what it was really for. Read the Rest

“'Some Things That Should Not Have Been Forgotten Were Lost': The Pro-Feminist, Pro-Democracy, Pro-Peace Case for State Privileging of Companionate Heterosexual Monogamous Marriage”
V.H. Cassler
SquareTwo, Vol. 2 No. 1 (Spring 2009) 

"We pause here to make a bold claim: those who base their defense of heterosexual marriage on the basis of its easier and more natural procreative potential are off the mark. As we have seen, evolutionary marriage can result in very high levels of fertility—and very low levels of peace, freedom, and gender equality. No, a true understanding of marriage leads us to the recognition that marriage is, in the first place, about human peace: peace incarnate between the two halves of humanity, male and female. This is the peace that has the power to unravel our human evolutionary legacy of malignant patriarchy. That ease of procreation attends this sacrament of human peace is a just and natural consequence—but it is a consequence, and not the telos of this sacrament.

Because of the sacrament of human peace, the man and the woman are now free, and turn their attention to a common project of freedom—generation. But this common project of the sexes is best seen as the natural outgrowth of the sacrament of human peace, not the other way around. For when procreation is seen as the primary purpose of marriage, there is no way to distinguish between the procreation occurring in evolutionary legacy marriage, on the one hand, and procreation in companionate heterosexual monogamous marriage. Indeed, since we would expect the fertility rate in evolutionary legacy marriage to be higher than that of companionate heterosexual marriage (since the woman has little or no control over her body in evolutionary legacy marriage), seeing procreation as the primary purpose of marriage may lead us to the egregious conclusion that evolutionary legacy marriage is just as good, and perhaps even better, than all other arrangements. But, as we have seen, it is vital to make that distinction between procreation in evolutionary legacy marriage and procreation in companionate heterosexual monogamous marriage—should we fail, we invite the peril of malignant patriarchy to overtake society once more. 

When children are born within companionate heterosexual monogamous marriages, as they will be, they have a special heritage. The children born of this sacrament of human peace have an immense advantage that children born of evolutionary marriage or gender apart-ness do not share. These children of the sacrament know human peace intimately, and know how it is to be created. It is they who can show the way for those who were not born with such a great advantage. It is these children who will grow up to be the bulwark of peace, democracy, freedom, and gender equality in society—and the good state has a vested interest in privileging their conception. The good state simultaneously has a vested interest in discouraging any other form of conception. However, the state also has a vested interest in having children well-cared for, rather than abused or neglected, and if children are not brought forth within companionate heterosexual monogramous marriages, then they should be placed in circumstances where they will be not abused and will be well-cared for..." Read the rest.

The truth is that the "marriage question" is at the heart of our civilization and what we decide to embrace-- individuality and collectively-- will determine if our society survives and thrives or if is dooming itself to self destruction. At the heart this debate is not about "equality" but about the purpose of life, the relationships between men and women, and our attitude towards the continuation of life. It is really the crux of why we are here on the earth.... Oh, I have so much to say and not enough time to write it. 

But stay tuned, it will come. 

Have a wonderful Easter Weekend! 

If you want to link to your own "Five Things for Friday" post you can use the tool below to add your link. 1) Please link to the URL of your blog post and not your main blog and 2) Please include a link back here.


  1. My kids have all gone through a phase where they have used my first name. I usually sit them down and talk about important my title of mother is to me and that they are the only people on earth allowed to call me by it. I emphasize to them how they are my children and they are so special and that I want them to know how much I treasure my calling as their mother. I usually have left it at that. I've never forced them to call me mom, but after that talk, that's how they address me.

  2. So I linked in today, though my post on Monday was probably more of a Friday Five than my Friday post today...oh well!

    And I love the comment above from swedemom! That is great! My kids have gone through the phase but like Asher, they just kind of quit doing it. Best of luck Heather! Each little person is their own unique self!! And you will figure it out and help her to, that is why the Lord gave you each other! I hope the move all goes well :-)

  3. Heather,
    This part of the quote you posted "At the heart this debate is not about "equality" but about the purpose of life..." was just what I needed to articulate the way I feel. Thanks!

  4. Heather, if you haven't seen it yet, I wanted to tell you about the marriage article by Valerie Hudson in the April 2013 Ensign. I was excited to see it there and read it.

  5. Heather it was so fun to meet you at Diana's house. It was so refreshing to be around so many knowledgeable and happy people. Good luck with your move. Your kids are darling. I love the half off the bed sleeping picture. When my little guy was that age he fell asleep with his head on a chair and a mouth full of food. When he woke up he continued chewing and went on his way. I'm excited to have a more fulfilling way to study. Have fun on your adventure! :)
    Jenn Petersen

  6. Thanks for making this so easy for us to without recreating the wheel. I'm afraid Blake is a little young, but I'm planning to use them. You are amazing. I'm so sad I wasn't able to make it to the lecture to see you before you moved away. I hope everything goes smoothly with that. I'll be excited to hear about your adventures in Iowa. You are so inspiring to me and I am glad we are friends (even if we haven't seen each other for so long!)